the Tears of a Sinner
by Took-Baggins
Summary: Spoilers for manga ending! Months ago Rosette is gone, and Chrno has finally decided to face his grief.


1A/N Alrighty, here's a manga fic! I think I prefer the way it ended to the anime (both good, though).

Disclaimer: nope, none of it is mine. I wish it were, but I'll never be that lucky.

xXxXx

"I wonder why he wants to see us so soon..." Azmaria watched worriedly as the woodland scenery passed by her car window. She and Joshua were traveling a familiar road. Chrno came to the Order often to see them, however he never stayed long. This was one of the places they knew they could find him. It was the same lake Rosette had brought them to when Azmaria had been younger. He often told her, as he had then, that it reminded him of the place where he had first met Rosette. The two of them had spent a lot of time here. It was a good place for him, with good memories. He could stay there, happily away from everything but still close by.

It was a refuge, of sorts.

"Maybe he just wants to see us. It must get pretty lonely out here." Joshua offered reassuringly. He was very much aware of Azmaria's tendency to worry. She started doing it anyway.

"But...he never does this! We see each other all the time, why would he call for us like this? Maybe something's wrong!!"

"Geez, Az, don't jump to conclusions like that! We'll be there in just a few minutes anyway, so don't worry so much." Azmaria nodded, taking a breath to try and calm herself. Telling herself that he was right, she turned again to gaze out the window. Silence fell, and sure enough the trees on either side of them began to thin. Slowing sharply (Joshua wasn't a much better driver than his sister had been) they veered off the road and came to rest in a patch of bare earth. "See?" Joshua smiled as she moved to climb out of the car. "He's right there waiting for us."

The lake looked just as it had all those years ago. A short path bordered by thin forest ran directly to the lakeshore. It wasn't a huge body of water, but it was surrounded by hills and trees. In all their travels, it was still one of the most beautiful places she had ever known. Standing on the shore was Chrno. He had long ago abandoned his smaller form, but it still surprised Azmaria to see him as an adult. However differently he appeared in body, though, he was the same in every other aspect.

The demon broke into a grin when he caught sight of Azmaria darting toward him, aiming for his middle. With a laugh he caught her in a hug, swinging her off the ground as he got caught up in her enthusiasm.

"You had her worried." Joshua chuckled once she was on her feet again.

"Yeah, I thought maybe something was wrong. You don't usually call us like that."

"I'm sorry I made you worry like that." Chrno's smiled faded a little. "To be honest, though, I didn't call you here for a visit." Joshua and Azmaria glanced at each other worriedly, both guessing what was on their friend's mind. The demon turned away, gazing out over the sparkling lake. "It's beautiful." he smiled sadly. "The wind moves everything...the trees, the water...there's not a thing in the world that's still."

"Chrno..." Azmaria slipped her arms around him, her best offer of comfort. "We miss her too."

"It's hard, but it won't be long before we see her again." it came out before Joshua had thought about it. The demon grimaced and pulled away from them, raising a hand to his face. _You might, but I won't..._

"I called you here because...I want to go see her." he paused, turning back to them. A cold wind picked up, ruffling the trailing ends of his tattered coat. He pushed his violet hair from his eyes. "I've been thinking about it lately...I think it's been long enough. I want to see Rosette."

"You mean you haven't been since March?" Joshua asked in surprise. He didn't answer him. Why on earth would Chrno have waited so long?

"I thought..."Azmaria was hugging him again. He smiled faintly. "I thought maybe you two would want to go with me."

xXxXx

It was warmer in the city. Enough that the trio shed their coats when they had arrived at the cemetery. The wind pulled at them as they stood among the silent stones, the bustle of Chicago unable to reach them. Azmaria and Joshua were quiet, each lost in their own thoughts. After some time had passed, Azmaria began to tug at Joshua's sleeve.

"We should go."

"But I don't think he's done yet!"

"Joshua! He needs a few minutes!"

"Oh!" the young man nodded, his face reddening. Of course Chrno needed to be alone, he should have thought of that. He nodded Az off and rested a hand on his friend's shoulder. "We're going back to the car. Take your time, okay?"

"Yeah..." Chrno remained still, waiting until their footsteps had faded away. For a moment he stood looking down, trying to comprehend the letters carved into the granite headstone.

"I hate myself sometimes." the whisper was harsh in the silence. "I had to leave you, I know, I couldn't have protected you. But it was so long until I could get back to you again, I...I was almost too late." he felt warmth on his face as tears welled from his eyes. Falling to kneel, he brought his hands to his face. It was true. They had both known what was coming, that there was nothing they could do about it. Still, they could have had more time. Chrno sighed, pressing his open hands against the cold ground.

It was as close as he could get to her now.

"I wish I didn't regret it...that I hadn't been gone for so long...I threw away time we could have had together." his hands balled into fists, clenched into the grass as his face twisted into a sob. "Rosette..."

Ten years he had been gone. The things they could have done in that time, what they could have shared...they had missed out on so much. "What we did have..." his breath caught in his throat, a million images running through his mind. Rosette's tear stained face as they raced to save Joshua...the young brother and sister bringing him picnics...that wonderful night of the carnival, when he had finally gotten to kiss her after waiting for so long...Rosette mending his coat, braiding his hair so many times, her gentle fingers playing across the nape of his neck. Her gentleness had only been for them: Joshua and, in a much different way, Chrno. Her brother hated it, but the demon had relished every second of it.

They were good memories, ones that came all too rarely to break through his guilt. He stayed where he was for what seemed an eternity, finally letting go of his grief and guilt as he sobbed with all that he had within him. He sobbed until there was nothing left.

Some time later he became aware of someone moving to sit next to him.

"She talked about you everyday." he lifted his eyes to see Joshua in the grass next to him. The young man started a little at the demon's face. The red of his eyes had grown darker with the tears he'd shed. Joshua smiled faintly, the past ten years coming back to him. "No matter what it was we were talking about, she'd find some way to remind us: 'Chrno's coming back for me. He'll be back and we'll be together just like we used to be.' I think, in the end, she only lasted so long because she was waiting for you."

"Joshua...I was gone much too long."

"Yes you were. But the fact that you _did_ come back to her...that's what really mattered, Chrno. You know, even when we were little...she always loved you." Joshua put an arm across his shoulders, offering comfort to his childhood friend. "I lost her too. I know it's a bit different, but she was my sister. It does hurt. It doesn't seem so awful, though, when you're not hurting alone."

"You're telling me something, aren't you?" Chrno asked, a faint smile pulling at his lips. It disappeared as he climbed to his feet. Joshua's eyes followed the movement, but he stayed where

he was.

"You don't have to be alone, Chrno. Me and Az are still here. We love you, and Rosette...she would want you to turn to us."

"For anything else I would," the demon stared down at the grave once more, a bitter smile cutting across his face. "But it's an old habit."

xXxXx

A/N Sorry if it feels like it ends suddenly. Anyway, that last line is referring to how he chose to remain alone after Mary's death. Hmm...there was more I was planning to put down here, but I can't seem to remember it. Anyway, I hope you liked it!


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